State of The Seminoles -- Week 10 CFB 2026

Friends, Readers, and especially Haters,

Only a truly catastrophic and life-altering event could have pulled me from my lair to address the masses in the year of 2026. I am currently in a 12-round heavyweight bout with the Parol Evidence Rule and the Erie doctrine, and quite frankly, I am getting my ass kicked. So time is of the essence. Yet here I stand before you all.

Of course the reason for my brief return is of no surprise; after battling arch nemesis Mini Michael Kelly Norvell for the past several years, the Sporacle inevitably reigns victorious once again.

While I relish in my victory of correctly predicting the future (again), there are many lessons to learn from this, none of which are more important than the following: in this life, if you bitch, scream, kick, whine, claw, fight, and make yourself so unbearably insufferable for an extended amount of time, you will win. Eventually. And that is quite literally what we have done to force the hand of the incompetent Florida State University administration into firing Mini Mike. This is something out of a Disney movie. I mean, someone literally paid thousands of dollars to fly a crop-duster pulling a banner with “Fire Novell” over top of Doak S. Campbell Stadium while the team walked into the stadium. And while I actually thought that was tacky and classless, you really can’t make that shit up.

Now, enough about the past. While we have slain the Mini Mike dragon, new monsters come into our crosshairs, namely Peter Collins and Richard McCullough. But for now, let’s sit back and recharge before we go fight our next battles. Rather, let’s focus on who will now take Mini Mike’s place.

The usual suspects have all been named. Rhett Lashlee. Kenny Dillingham. Eli Drinkwitz. The first two are Gus Malzahn descendants, can’t recruit for shit, and just overall give off a cuck aura vibes. Yeah, no thanks. I think Drinkwitz is funny, but not someone I want as my head coach. He can stay up there in the Midwest.

The shiny new objects have also been discussed. Bob Chesney. Will Stein. Jake Dickert. Chesney and Stein arguably already have better jobs, and I’m not so convinced on either of them to begin with. Respectfully, pass. As for Jake Dickert, I’m planting my flag and standing on business – that guy is a FRAUD. Go look at his wins and get back to me. Stay far, far away from Tallahassee.

And then you have the rejects who seem to weasel their way into every coaching search. Jeff Brohm. Manny Diaz. Jedd Fisch. Do we need to even talk about these bums? These coaches are the equivalent of the girl who is still at the bar at 1:55am; it wouldn’t be the worst thing you ever did, but she’s still there for a reason. Thanks, but no thanks.

You might have noticed by now – there seems to be one name conveniently missing. Oh yes. Yes, I am going there.

John James Fisher Jr., or more commonly referred to as Jimbo, is the man for the job. It just makes too much sense.

He lives in Tallahassee. He can start right now. He can recruit right now. He would be cheaper than any other option. He actually wants to be here. And, oh yeah, he won a National Championship.

While people will allege that Jimbo “burned” FSU on his way out and he should be “banished forever”, let’s not misremember the facts of the case. Jimbo wanted more resources and new facilities for the football program, which every single other serious program either already had or was in the midst of building.

Once Jimbo realized FSU would not commit to football, he warned everyone that FSU was falling behind in the arms race. And he was 100% unequivocally and indisputably correct, as evidenced by the past 9 years. And the best part of the story? Those same facilities that Jimbo begged and begged for for years? FSU eventually built them. FOR MINI MIKE. The irony and idiocy are truly astounding.

But all is well that ends well. In short, this would be a story book ending. Jimbo, The Prodigal Son, returns to FSU a changed and reenergized man and rebuilds a program that he resurrected once before. Jimbo reaches the mountain top once again and restores order in the college football universe by rightfully cementing FSU as the perennial contender they should be. Fade to black. Roll credits.

That was a lot. Sorry to the non-Nole readers. I guess while I’m here, I should give some picks?

Speaking of picks, I was genuinely worried about Billy Tickets earlier in the season. The guy was just burning money and couldn’t win a thing. I thought about “non-renewing” the website domain just so the guy could save some face, but man, does Tickets battle or what? He’s now on an absolute heater, and there’s no slowing down in sight. Always been in that guy’s corner.

These will be quick picks. Haven’t been as tapped in to CFB this year and do not want to bullshit my loyal readers. So be advised. But here goes nothing.

Picks:

Michigan State +14 -110 vs. Michigan (2.2u)

This line just doesn’t make sense on the surface to me. I get it, Michigan State has been ass, but Michigan hasn’t? Whittingham should be in a retirement home collecting social security, not on the sideline of the Big House with a headset on. Their offense is ass and may not even score 14 points. At least no one has to watch Bryce Underwood anymore.

On the other side you have legend Pat Fitzgerald who is a certified legend. I know they’ve had injury problems and word on the street is the daily “bows and toes” hazing sessions could be the cause. Allegedly. Please don’t sue me, Pat.

Anyways, Mich St gets fired up for this one and finds a way to keep it within the number against a poopoo Michigan team.

UCLA vs. Minnesota +5 -110 (2.2u)

See my colleague Billy Tickets’ write-up. It’s spot on. Been waiting to fade UCLA, and this is a good spot. I thought we’d get a better number, but I think 5 is good enough.

PJ Fleck has been rowing the hell out of that boat this season, and Bob Chesney is about to get his first taste of Fleck’s oar. Pause. But this is a pure vibes play and betting on UCLA to face some adversity.

They haven’t beat anyone worth a shit, and let’s see how those soft West Coast Cali boys like that cold Twin Cities weather.  

Go Golden Gophers.

BYU 1H +3 -105 vs. Utah (2.1u)

I really don’t like Utah. Not just this football team, but that program in general. Can’t pinpoint it, but they piss me off. Probably from that Texas Tech game last year where they got absolutely bitched in the 2nd half. Cowards.

On the flip, I think BYU is a physical team that will show up to battle for this one. Bear Bachmeier and his naked family are next level freaks but spread don’t care who covers it.

Utah also returns from a trip to Cincinnati while the Mormons chilled at home last week, so that’s the main reason for the 1H side. Should be fresher.

I know Utah is tough to beat at home, but if anyone can put up a fight, it’s the Super Soakers.

Clemson -2.5 -110 vs. Syracuse (2.2u)

God Bless Dabo Swinney. The guy is kind of insufferable in a clueless, nice guy kind of way, but if you get Mike Norvell fired, you’re good in my book. His Clemson Football team on the other hand? Straight ass cheeks. So Spo, why are we betting on them? Pull up a chair and learn a lesson real quick.

When you have the chance to fade an undisciplined Syracuse team coached by Fran Brown after a big win, you do it. Just have to trust the system on this one. I know Cuse has had a revolving door at QB this season, and I don’t really care who starts for them.

I expect Clumpson to somehow find a way to score because that’s what Fran Brown teams allow you to do when they’re in a letdown spot.

Clump Clump.

FSU -6 -110 vs Boston College (4.4u)

It feels good to be able to bet on the Noles with a good conscious man. It’s been literal years.

Terrorist Mini Mike out, FSU legend Rick Stocktill in. I have inside sources telling me this Noles team will be no bullshit tomorrow come high noon. I know the roster is depleted, but it really shouldn’t matter.

The players that actually want to play will play, and the players that are thumbing dolla bills with their other thumb up their ass will not play. It’s that simple. Expect to see some real Seminole effort out their tomorrow. I also expect Diffy Daniels to put up a Heisman like performance tomorrow. Just feel it in my bones.

Couldn’t tell you a damn thing about Boston College and don’t really need to. All I know is that Bill O’Brien looks like he eats glue and gets Cheeto dust on the Xbox controller. #Shrink that guy.

Noles by 90.

No Plays:

UGA vs. Ole Miss

Think UGA wins by 3 here, and the spread is too sketch. Don’t think Ole Miss is great, but Trinidad Chambliss certainly is. UGA is wasting Kirby’s prime with Mike Bobo as Offensive Coordinator. Brutal.

Oklahoma vs. UF

Remember when Gators claimed they were winning a national championship after Week 3? Now Jon Sumrall looks like an absolute clown and reminds me of Popeye the Sailor Man. Don’t know who wins this game – two middling SEC teams who are stuck with mid coaches for the foreseeable future. That must suck.

Texas vs. Mizzou

Think Texas rolls here, but Mizzou is a tough out at home. And would feel like an idiot if I bet Texas and they get smoked, which is always possible. Said it before and will say it again. Steve Sarkisian is just Mike Norvell with a tan.

Miami vs. Notre Dame

Was prepared to hit Miami spread before Malachi Toney, the undisputed best player in college football, got hurt. I genuinely think that should move the spread at least 4 points, which it almost has, but I just can’t do it. Miami isn’t very good this year, but no one has watched a single snap of Notre Dame football this season, so who really knows?

Alabama vs. LSU

Have no idea on this LSU team. Thought Sam Leavitt was a major fraud, but has he turned a corner? I’m not sure, but this will definitely be a fun one to watch.

Well, it’s been fun. It’s not a goodbye, but a see you later. Cheers to all my fellow Seminole fans – we did it, but job’s not finished. Keep Pumping. Signing Off.

-Spo