Overview:
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
Thank the Lord we have college football in just under 3 weeks -- If I have to watch another second of WNBA or Olympics gymnastics, I will absolutely blow my brains out.
Anyways, it’s good to be back, and I think we’ve got a helluva college football season ahead of us.
New conference alignments, major head coaching changes, and the first year of this 12-team playoff. There is certain to be fireworks this season.
Honestly I don’t have too many futures as I think the lines are pretty sharp now, and there’s a lot of uncertainty with a bunch of teams changing conferences, but I do have a handful of picks I really like.
Let’s take a walk.
Regular Season Wins:
Utah Over 9.5 Wins -145 (5u)
I had the Utes circled last year as a team to watch out for before it was announced Cam Rising would be out for the year. Apparetly his knee injury was pretty brutal, but now he’s had over 18 months to rehab and get back to football, so I’m expecting him to be fine.
Not only was Rising out last year, so was their best weapon Brant Kuithe, but they’ll get Kuithe back this year as well, and added Dorian Singer in the portal from USC, who is a beast
While they do lose both their 1st Team Pac-12 safeties and All-American stud Jonah Ellis, all other starters return, and Coach Whittingham has proven his defenses are legit
They really only have 2 tough games this year (@ OK State / vs Arizona), and they should still be favored in both those games.
Go ahead and place this and spend the future winnings now, this is a freebie
UNC Over 7.5 Wins -115 (5u)
Admittedly, on paper it looks like UNC should have a mid year.
They lose their “star” QB and a lot on the offensive line, but just take a look at their schedule
Besides FSU, every game on that schedule is winnable, and the first 4 games are essentially pre-season games
Add in the fact that they bring in Geoff Collins as the new DC (dogshit head coach, but great DC), I see this team winning at least 8 or 9 wins
Put some respect on Mack Brown’s name, too. That’s my fucking boy. PA.
Notre Dame Under 10.5 Wins -160 (4u)
I hate Notre Dame.
Everything about them. None of their “fans” actually went to school there, and if you talk shit about their football team, they’ll refer you to their national championships pre World War 2
To that I say, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. There is no “we” if you didn’t go to school there, and “your team” hasn’t won shit in 40+ years.
In regards to this season, they add Riley Leonard and expect him to be the messiah. That is total and utter comedy. Let me show you something, little buddy.
Yeah, the guy can’t throw it past 20 yards, and he’s got a perma-fucked ankle. You’re cooked.
Defense will be good as I’ll give Marcus Freeman his flowers on that side of the ball, but they just have literally no offensive fire power at all.
The only reason this isn’t 5 units is because they play a Charmin soft schedule
I think they get crushed Week 1 @TAMU and they never get off the ground this season.
*I will personally be boots on the ground in South Bend to watch the Florida State Seminoles sodomize the Fighting Irish like a Catholic priest. Sick bastards.*
Alabama Under 9.5 Wins -140 (3u)
If you’re trying to sell me Jalen Milroe or Kalen Deboer stock, I ain’t buying it.
Honestly I don’t really have anything against Milroe or Deboer. I do think Milroe was complete ass at times last season with his accuracy, but I assume he’ll make some natural progressions this year.
I’m more worried about their coaching and schedule.
Regarding the coaching, Deboer couldn’t get Ryan Grubb, his right hand man and the OC for the duration of their time at Washington, to follow him to Bama. Grubb was hired to be the Seahawks OC, and Nick Sheridan will be the one calling the plays for Deboer at Bama now.
Yeah, I didn’t know who Nick Sheridan was from Adam’s housecat either. Turns out he has 1 year experience calling plays at Indiana. Really great resume. And Deboer is just handing him the keys to the car. Smart.
Looking at the schedule, they have 3 road games in just obnoxious environments (@ TENN / @ LSU / @ Oklahoma), and have UGA at home – I don’t think they win any of these games
Too many moving parts for the Crimson Tide this year and they come back to reality with a single digit win season, while domestic violence skyrockets in the state of Alabama in Q4 of 2024
It’s a bad year to be a inbred
Auburn Under 7.5 Wins -150 (4u)
Damn it do I love me some Hugh Freeze, but it’s gonna be a rough year for the Tigers.
A wide open QB battle in camp to go with a dogshit WR room is not a recipe for success in college football these days.
Their best game last year was against Alabama, and they didn’t win the game. I think that’s pretty telling.
They’ve also got Oklahoma, @ UGA, @ Mizzou, and @ Kentucky all within a month. They’re not winning any of those, and they’ll drop the last 2 against TAMU and Bama.
Hugh, less money on the hookers, more money in the NIL fund. Not rocket science, bud.
Houston Under 3.5 Wins +120 (2u)
Really don’t have much on this, and that’s why we’re keeping it small.
Willie Fritz is in year 1 at Houston, and while he’s a good coach, this is just a blatant rebuild year.
Less than half the starters return, and I figure this will be a weed out year for Fritz and the program.
Oh, and they draw the 5th hardest schedule in the nation, per Phil Steele.
Couple shekels on a juiced under won’t hurt anyone
Conference Futures:
Utah Big 12 Champs +325 (3u)
This is basically a future on Utah ML vs KState
They’re the only 2 teams worth a shit in this conference, and at +325 I’ll gobble that up like Chris Christie at a Golden Corral buffet
Natty Futures:
Ole Miss +1500 (2u)
If this isn’t Ole Miss’s year, then it quite literally never will be.
Lane Kiffin and the Rebs unloaded the NIL reserves this offseason and got some real talent in the transfer portal. They’re all in on this year.
Dart is a Heisman contender they bring back almost all starters to go along with their portal additions
Their only losses last year were to Bama and UGA, and this year their schedule is blessed and they dodge Bama.
The biggest concern I have is that Jaxson Dart just got exposed for cheating on his longtime girlfriend, and it’s all over social media. A million hate comments from dumb females certainly cannot be good for the psyche. I mean, what did the broad expect dating a dude named fucking Jaxson??? But I digress.
Cheating isn’t bad, but getting caught cheating is very bad. We’ll work on that, Jaxson. Let’s focus on the task at hand for now, though. Hotty Toddy.
Utah +6000 (.5u)
I would be a fraud if I didn’t sprinkle on my Utah boys
To be honest, the “to make the playoffs” at +230 is a much smarter and safer bet, but I don’t have a hole between my legs so I’m going for the Natty ticket
This would not be a team you want to face in the playoffs, and I could see them making a run. Give it to me.
Heisman Futures:
Cam Rising +3000
ALL RISE!
The Heisman odds are pretty ass right now and this isn’t an official bet, but Im gonna throw a shekel on Rising for Heisman for a couple reasons:
1) He’s my boy
2) The comeback narrative is there
3) Good chance they win the B12 and make the playoffs
I wish I could bet him to be in NYC at the ceremony because I’m not sure he actually wins it, but I’ll take a flyer on him
Degenerate Lotto Ticket:
FSU ACC Champs / Oregon B10 Champs / Ole Miss SEC Champs / Utah B12 Champs Parlay +42060
That's all I got for now fellas, I'll keep you updated if I add anything
I'll see you degens Week 0 for some Noles ball
Spo Out.
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